And I wished I was special, or maybe just a little better...

Originally written on Tuesday, July 31, 2007 at 7:04pm

All through my life I wished I was more than what I knew I really am. Like when I'd have given an exam and I knew I was getting a 50% but hoping against all hope that when the paper comes into my hand that I'd have got a 90% or something, that my IQ test would show I was brilliant and beyond but the end result was always average. Or like I'd like a girl and I knew she didn't feel the same way but knowing she'd turn me down I'd say it anyway just with the hope that I was something better than what I really was. I guess you can only be so delusional in life before it starts affecting you seriously, I for one have always tried and keep my head out of the clouds, stop myself from getting carried away and at times I know I might have even...... which generally leads to pain and regret. How I wish I was special, something more than a struggling musician, something more than a fat ugly boy, something more than just an average joe. I think I will wish a little each day that the brilliance I wish I always had will show in some little way and someone might say, there goes a guy who is special (and i don't mean it in a look at that retard type of way). I used to wish I was the kind of guy girls would look at twice because he's hot and not look twice and laugh because I look like some cross between a Simpson character and a baboon :P or that I could play that fiery guitar solo instead of hitting 20 bum notes every time I used string 1 and 2. But I guess we are what we are and we must make the most of it. And I wished I was special, or maybe just a little better....