Welcome to my Demonic World. This is where I'm going to start posting all my stuff at from tour diarys of Demonic Resurrection to my random ramblings to my cooking recipes etc etc.
For now I've just put in all my random ramblings into the blog and I will soon follow with my cooking ones and then take it from there.
So thanks for stopping by and keep checking into my demonic world.
Cheers & Stay Demonic
The Demonstealer
Saturday, March 28, 2009
And what must be broken, will be...
Originally written on Thursday, May 29, 2008 at 10:54am
It is but fragile, a solitary mass of flesh, the sensors working overtime processing the pain and sending the signals, but the skin does not respond, it is cold and inexpressive. It is the cold hard shell that shows no pain, no hurt, no grief, it continues to smile while the little world that lives, collapses inside. There is no cure for this kind of hurt, it stings and burns and can even induce tears, but he will not cry, he never did and he won't start now. If he had a choice he'd curl up into a ball and die. That however is not an option, the skin will not give in, the muscles wont relent and the smile shall remain in full public view. I close the door only to find myself in solitude but I can't cry here either, he is strong, he has to live on. There are moments in life where the world comes crashing down, its strange how sometimes the frequency goes up and the fact that its weighing you down leaves you a little more helpless than before but the vulnerability must not be exposed. We only control ourselves, we control no others. It is the giving of a solitary mass of flesh that leds to despair because what must be broken, will be. And there is no way for me to save myself from all that could have been but will never be... and what must be broken, will be.
It is but fragile, a solitary mass of flesh, the sensors working overtime processing the pain and sending the signals, but the skin does not respond, it is cold and inexpressive. It is the cold hard shell that shows no pain, no hurt, no grief, it continues to smile while the little world that lives, collapses inside. There is no cure for this kind of hurt, it stings and burns and can even induce tears, but he will not cry, he never did and he won't start now. If he had a choice he'd curl up into a ball and die. That however is not an option, the skin will not give in, the muscles wont relent and the smile shall remain in full public view. I close the door only to find myself in solitude but I can't cry here either, he is strong, he has to live on. There are moments in life where the world comes crashing down, its strange how sometimes the frequency goes up and the fact that its weighing you down leaves you a little more helpless than before but the vulnerability must not be exposed. We only control ourselves, we control no others. It is the giving of a solitary mass of flesh that leds to despair because what must be broken, will be. And there is no way for me to save myself from all that could have been but will never be... and what must be broken, will be.
And all the doors are closed...
Originally written on Tuesday, May 20, 2008 at 1:50pm
... And all the doors are closed as he lay there, wounded but not bleeding. Still it feels like the cuts run deep and the blood is leaving his body.... slowly dripping. But there are no visible wounds, there are no scars that leave marks and there is no evidence of devastation except for the look in his eyes. He feels paralyzed, helpless and full of despair, will he ever love again? Will he be able to open his heart to the world at large or shall the door be locked for all. He stares blankly at the wall, the speed of mind defeats the speed of light, the visions that flash, all the hours that have been spent. The hours that waited, the road that was traveled and the picture that was never seen. The sweet pain he tasted and the door that showed he was not needed. The walk from her heart to his home. He silently laments, not a visible trace of devastation. Even his eyes .... they stop speaking even to those listening. There is a culmination of the sorrow but there are no tears to show...buried in a casket so the world does not know. He walks the streets for hours on end, to the lonely home that is his friend. For the song that saves him each day.... he sings to find his way back home and he yearns for her once more..... but all the doors are closed.
... And all the doors are closed as he lay there, wounded but not bleeding. Still it feels like the cuts run deep and the blood is leaving his body.... slowly dripping. But there are no visible wounds, there are no scars that leave marks and there is no evidence of devastation except for the look in his eyes. He feels paralyzed, helpless and full of despair, will he ever love again? Will he be able to open his heart to the world at large or shall the door be locked for all. He stares blankly at the wall, the speed of mind defeats the speed of light, the visions that flash, all the hours that have been spent. The hours that waited, the road that was traveled and the picture that was never seen. The sweet pain he tasted and the door that showed he was not needed. The walk from her heart to his home. He silently laments, not a visible trace of devastation. Even his eyes .... they stop speaking even to those listening. There is a culmination of the sorrow but there are no tears to show...buried in a casket so the world does not know. He walks the streets for hours on end, to the lonely home that is his friend. For the song that saves him each day.... he sings to find his way back home and he yearns for her once more..... but all the doors are closed.
And the poet died....
Originally written on Wednesday, March 12, 2008 at 11:45pm
Sometimes the world will explode right before our very eyes.
Much like the shattered glass lying astray on a cold winter night.
Like the soul that laments for itself to find salvation among despair
How the worm wiggles its way to the certain death that awaits above
And the aeon's that never come no matter how long we wait
So that the despair doesn't consume us with a shadow that waits
Or for the hours that we spend trying to mend broken hearts
Because we still keep all the tears bottled up inside and....
we take them out only when we sleep at night,
Wake up and put on our brave faces..... so that we can face the world again.
Sometimes the world will explode right before our very eyes.
Much like the shattered glass lying astray on a cold winter night.
Like the soul that laments for itself to find salvation among despair
How the worm wiggles its way to the certain death that awaits above
And the aeon's that never come no matter how long we wait
So that the despair doesn't consume us with a shadow that waits
Or for the hours that we spend trying to mend broken hearts
Because we still keep all the tears bottled up inside and....
we take them out only when we sleep at night,
Wake up and put on our brave faces..... so that we can face the world again.
And she stared into the night sky......
Originally written on Thursday, September 13, 2007 at 12:56am
She stared into the night sky, her heart slowly beating, no tears here but just a glimmer of hope shines bright. She stares into the darkness, no tears here just a hope and a wish. The sky opens up and a bright light shines down on her, she stares with those eyes, her eyes are earnest and hopeful. She is longing, she longs to belong, somewhere and to someone. Forever she bottled the hurt, the pain and the emptiness grew and she became numb. No tears here, she is just one. Once scarred she closed her heart and not even a world could tear it apart. Everything she loved, longed, wished and wanted stayed in and the doors still sealed. Will she trust the light, will she open her heart to it. She wondered if she could trust enough, if she let him in would he break her heart just like the others? She would never recover again, she spent her life burying the pain, is it worth to be vulnerable to it all again. The night sky held open its arms and she stepped into the light, her heart slowly beating, no tears here, just a sense of belonging.
She stared into the night sky, her heart slowly beating, no tears here but just a glimmer of hope shines bright. She stares into the darkness, no tears here just a hope and a wish. The sky opens up and a bright light shines down on her, she stares with those eyes, her eyes are earnest and hopeful. She is longing, she longs to belong, somewhere and to someone. Forever she bottled the hurt, the pain and the emptiness grew and she became numb. No tears here, she is just one. Once scarred she closed her heart and not even a world could tear it apart. Everything she loved, longed, wished and wanted stayed in and the doors still sealed. Will she trust the light, will she open her heart to it. She wondered if she could trust enough, if she let him in would he break her heart just like the others? She would never recover again, she spent her life burying the pain, is it worth to be vulnerable to it all again. The night sky held open its arms and she stepped into the light, her heart slowly beating, no tears here, just a sense of belonging.
And all you do in life, goes back to you........
Originally written on Thursday, August 2, 2007 at 7:59pm
Every time that you hurt someone, do something bad, make someone cry or even so much as turn away in an hour of need. There is a record made, a mark, an entry and it is saved for later. It will come back and bite you in the ass. If you broke someone's heart, your heart will be broken in the future. Some of us are lucky enough to realize that the infinite loop of payback is rolling and the circle must be complete. Its very easy to say, sure I see it your way. But unless and untill you ARE in someone else's shoes you will never have a clue. So at the end of the day, we are destined to reap what we have sown. I knew it was coming someday, I just didn't expect it so soon, cause all you do in life goes back to you.......
Every time that you hurt someone, do something bad, make someone cry or even so much as turn away in an hour of need. There is a record made, a mark, an entry and it is saved for later. It will come back and bite you in the ass. If you broke someone's heart, your heart will be broken in the future. Some of us are lucky enough to realize that the infinite loop of payback is rolling and the circle must be complete. Its very easy to say, sure I see it your way. But unless and untill you ARE in someone else's shoes you will never have a clue. So at the end of the day, we are destined to reap what we have sown. I knew it was coming someday, I just didn't expect it so soon, cause all you do in life goes back to you.......
And I wished I was special, or maybe just a little better...
Originally written on Tuesday, July 31, 2007 at 7:04pm
All through my life I wished I was more than what I knew I really am. Like when I'd have given an exam and I knew I was getting a 50% but hoping against all hope that when the paper comes into my hand that I'd have got a 90% or something, that my IQ test would show I was brilliant and beyond but the end result was always average. Or like I'd like a girl and I knew she didn't feel the same way but knowing she'd turn me down I'd say it anyway just with the hope that I was something better than what I really was. I guess you can only be so delusional in life before it starts affecting you seriously, I for one have always tried and keep my head out of the clouds, stop myself from getting carried away and at times I know I might have even...... which generally leads to pain and regret. How I wish I was special, something more than a struggling musician, something more than a fat ugly boy, something more than just an average joe. I think I will wish a little each day that the brilliance I wish I always had will show in some little way and someone might say, there goes a guy who is special (and i don't mean it in a look at that retard type of way). I used to wish I was the kind of guy girls would look at twice because he's hot and not look twice and laugh because I look like some cross between a Simpson character and a baboon :P or that I could play that fiery guitar solo instead of hitting 20 bum notes every time I used string 1 and 2. But I guess we are what we are and we must make the most of it. And I wished I was special, or maybe just a little better....
All through my life I wished I was more than what I knew I really am. Like when I'd have given an exam and I knew I was getting a 50% but hoping against all hope that when the paper comes into my hand that I'd have got a 90% or something, that my IQ test would show I was brilliant and beyond but the end result was always average. Or like I'd like a girl and I knew she didn't feel the same way but knowing she'd turn me down I'd say it anyway just with the hope that I was something better than what I really was. I guess you can only be so delusional in life before it starts affecting you seriously, I for one have always tried and keep my head out of the clouds, stop myself from getting carried away and at times I know I might have even...... which generally leads to pain and regret. How I wish I was special, something more than a struggling musician, something more than a fat ugly boy, something more than just an average joe. I think I will wish a little each day that the brilliance I wish I always had will show in some little way and someone might say, there goes a guy who is special (and i don't mean it in a look at that retard type of way). I used to wish I was the kind of guy girls would look at twice because he's hot and not look twice and laugh because I look like some cross between a Simpson character and a baboon :P or that I could play that fiery guitar solo instead of hitting 20 bum notes every time I used string 1 and 2. But I guess we are what we are and we must make the most of it. And I wished I was special, or maybe just a little better....
And at the end of the day, nobody cares...
Originally written on Saturday, July 28, 2007 at 7:56pm
We all have our struggles in life, we are all consumed by our very own mundane existence.We are engulfed by ourselves and our selfishness, the fact is everyone is selfish, anyone who believes otherwise is just kidding themselves. This doesn't mean that people are bad or that they don't attend to a friend in suffering nor does it mean they can't be expected to be there when you need a shoulder to cry, there are plenty of giving souls in the world, some more than others. But even these angels are not devoid of some amount of selfishness. But there are some of us who no matter what happens have no one to lean on, in fact we don't even want it, or at least thats what we tell the world. How far can you go on your own? How many times can you pick yourself up when you fall? How can you expect anyone to stand behind you forever when you wont trust them with anything? Walking this long dark road on your own is your destiny, its your path, its your goal its your everything. There are so many who will pledge allegiance and support along the way and will make a sad face and say awww when you fall but they'll stand oh so still and watch you pick yourself out of the mud and resume your journey. Can you really blame them? The answer is no because at the end of the day nobody cares........
We all have our struggles in life, we are all consumed by our very own mundane existence.We are engulfed by ourselves and our selfishness, the fact is everyone is selfish, anyone who believes otherwise is just kidding themselves. This doesn't mean that people are bad or that they don't attend to a friend in suffering nor does it mean they can't be expected to be there when you need a shoulder to cry, there are plenty of giving souls in the world, some more than others. But even these angels are not devoid of some amount of selfishness. But there are some of us who no matter what happens have no one to lean on, in fact we don't even want it, or at least thats what we tell the world. How far can you go on your own? How many times can you pick yourself up when you fall? How can you expect anyone to stand behind you forever when you wont trust them with anything? Walking this long dark road on your own is your destiny, its your path, its your goal its your everything. There are so many who will pledge allegiance and support along the way and will make a sad face and say awww when you fall but they'll stand oh so still and watch you pick yourself out of the mud and resume your journey. Can you really blame them? The answer is no because at the end of the day nobody cares........
And none of this was ever built to last......
Originally written on Friday, July 27, 2007 at 7:32pm
It started by chance, a few words were spoken, a flash of light and a dream was born. I saw all that stood in my path, it seemed impossible, a herculean task ahead but that wouldn't stop him. The little boy knew deep down inside he would never succeed but he had the blessings of elders and the will of a warrior, he would carry forth on this journey. The search is what started it all and the journey began well as it should have, along the journey people came and went, still I carried forward without looking back, they called me things, they said I would never make it, they said I was nothing........ but he stood strong. Against all the hate, ill wishes and pain he trudged forward. Phase I ended with a small victory, a small mark a set of new friends and beings, but trouble was never far behind and many succumbed along the journey and still we carried forth, so much pain. We needed so much but there was nothing, we had to build it all from scratch. Each night he did dream, he wished for help, but when no one understands the very reason for your being they cannot help much, how can they understand your flaws and shortcomings when they know not the heart that lies yonder? The battle raged on but he was weak and on his last legs and finally they all died, he saw how they all left and he lay there wounded, hurt but still with a spark in his eye that would say that its not yet time die. And so it shall be written and so it shall be done, the resurrection did take place and with a new fire they moved forth and though there were many hurdles the new army battled away to glory..... however life has a rule that after the calm comes the storm, and there was another battle ahead. So with more losses and troubles the world moved on, but a sadness remained. 7 years is a long time for anything, the hope in the little boys eyes had weakened. His eyes were filled with tears of sadness, but he still says 'We've come so far and we've built so much how can we stop now?'. But when at the end of the day you're still one against the world and even those nearest cannot understand the very reason for your existence, how can a little boy not die? It is easy to speak and offer comfort especially when convenience belongs to you, but to raise your sword, understand and fight by my side? Its not possible, I know you dream off your own. It is selfish to ask one to forsake something for your dream. And so it shall be written and so it shall be done, with this hurt, pain and still a small ray of hope in my heart, I will carry on.
It started by chance, a few words were spoken, a flash of light and a dream was born. I saw all that stood in my path, it seemed impossible, a herculean task ahead but that wouldn't stop him. The little boy knew deep down inside he would never succeed but he had the blessings of elders and the will of a warrior, he would carry forth on this journey. The search is what started it all and the journey began well as it should have, along the journey people came and went, still I carried forward without looking back, they called me things, they said I would never make it, they said I was nothing........ but he stood strong. Against all the hate, ill wishes and pain he trudged forward. Phase I ended with a small victory, a small mark a set of new friends and beings, but trouble was never far behind and many succumbed along the journey and still we carried forth, so much pain. We needed so much but there was nothing, we had to build it all from scratch. Each night he did dream, he wished for help, but when no one understands the very reason for your being they cannot help much, how can they understand your flaws and shortcomings when they know not the heart that lies yonder? The battle raged on but he was weak and on his last legs and finally they all died, he saw how they all left and he lay there wounded, hurt but still with a spark in his eye that would say that its not yet time die. And so it shall be written and so it shall be done, the resurrection did take place and with a new fire they moved forth and though there were many hurdles the new army battled away to glory..... however life has a rule that after the calm comes the storm, and there was another battle ahead. So with more losses and troubles the world moved on, but a sadness remained. 7 years is a long time for anything, the hope in the little boys eyes had weakened. His eyes were filled with tears of sadness, but he still says 'We've come so far and we've built so much how can we stop now?'. But when at the end of the day you're still one against the world and even those nearest cannot understand the very reason for your existence, how can a little boy not die? It is easy to speak and offer comfort especially when convenience belongs to you, but to raise your sword, understand and fight by my side? Its not possible, I know you dream off your own. It is selfish to ask one to forsake something for your dream. And so it shall be written and so it shall be done, with this hurt, pain and still a small ray of hope in my heart, I will carry on.
And everything crumbles to dust and all thats left is me....
Originally written on Friday, July 27, 2007 at 6:51pm
The world around me feels strange, its raining outside and the sky is at its gloomy best. I feel like the life has been sucked out of me, I do have some sort of medical condition, what started out as a simple cold has transformed into something far worse. My throat feels puffy, nose blocked and all my energy has been drained. I don't think I am running a temperature,I feel just sick and lifeless. My mental state has been depleted, my thoughts disturbed. We say and do so many wrong things in life, we create our own chaos. Its so easy to picture an argument or discussion in your head, you say all the right things, your logic seems to perfect, everything seems like its justified and there is nothing but a happy ending. In reality however the scenario is never like it is in your head, there is someone there who doesn't respond the way you imagine and then within a few moments all your logic, arguments and happy endings are not quite the same. Sometimes you try so hard to achieve things in life you become oblivious to others and the only thing that really matters is reaching that goal. Along the way you make mistakes and slowly slowly the dream is all you see and nothing else matters and in that span of time we make the biggest mistakes of our lives but because our desire is such we tend to overlook the pain we cause others and in the bargain we break hearts, destroy friendships and while we travel through the journey of life in pursuit of all that is, the world around me will perish. And everything crumbles to dust and all thats left is me........
The world around me feels strange, its raining outside and the sky is at its gloomy best. I feel like the life has been sucked out of me, I do have some sort of medical condition, what started out as a simple cold has transformed into something far worse. My throat feels puffy, nose blocked and all my energy has been drained. I don't think I am running a temperature,I feel just sick and lifeless. My mental state has been depleted, my thoughts disturbed. We say and do so many wrong things in life, we create our own chaos. Its so easy to picture an argument or discussion in your head, you say all the right things, your logic seems to perfect, everything seems like its justified and there is nothing but a happy ending. In reality however the scenario is never like it is in your head, there is someone there who doesn't respond the way you imagine and then within a few moments all your logic, arguments and happy endings are not quite the same. Sometimes you try so hard to achieve things in life you become oblivious to others and the only thing that really matters is reaching that goal. Along the way you make mistakes and slowly slowly the dream is all you see and nothing else matters and in that span of time we make the biggest mistakes of our lives but because our desire is such we tend to overlook the pain we cause others and in the bargain we break hearts, destroy friendships and while we travel through the journey of life in pursuit of all that is, the world around me will perish. And everything crumbles to dust and all thats left is me........
And so my misery became immortal......
Originally written on Thursday, July 26, 2007 at 12:03am
Notes, blogs and other assorted cyber journals for all purposes seem more than anything to be an outlet for ones miserable pathetic life, existence and other assorted negative feelings. I assume this is not true for everyone but some how I myself don't seem to care enough or bother to write something here unless I'm truly and utterly thrown into a random state of mental disturbance where misery, confusion, sadness, anger, chaos and other words which basically means sad and confused are the key elements. Its the time when all hope fails and you just want the day to end. The cure is sleep..... I had a dream, I can't recall.. but it was so wonderful I almost cried that I woke up..... I hate reality, it seems so flawed. I want to find my way back........ find my way back home...... home to you. The dream that will cease to exist, the dream that is not real, the dream where I am happy. Or the other alternative is to sleep tonight and wake up and carry on with life as I know it tomorrow, maybe it will be better, maybe I'll just be here writing random rubbish that no one will read or 225 facebook friends will find somewhat amusing, partially a waste of their time and probably just a solution for 7 and a half minutes of boredom.
Notes, blogs and other assorted cyber journals for all purposes seem more than anything to be an outlet for ones miserable pathetic life, existence and other assorted negative feelings. I assume this is not true for everyone but some how I myself don't seem to care enough or bother to write something here unless I'm truly and utterly thrown into a random state of mental disturbance where misery, confusion, sadness, anger, chaos and other words which basically means sad and confused are the key elements. Its the time when all hope fails and you just want the day to end. The cure is sleep..... I had a dream, I can't recall.. but it was so wonderful I almost cried that I woke up..... I hate reality, it seems so flawed. I want to find my way back........ find my way back home...... home to you. The dream that will cease to exist, the dream that is not real, the dream where I am happy. Or the other alternative is to sleep tonight and wake up and carry on with life as I know it tomorrow, maybe it will be better, maybe I'll just be here writing random rubbish that no one will read or 225 facebook friends will find somewhat amusing, partially a waste of their time and probably just a solution for 7 and a half minutes of boredom.
And so it shall be done.....
Originally written on Wednesday, July 25, 2007 at 8:55pm
Life is nothing but a curve, up and down, sometimes round and round. There are moments where we curse our very existence and then there are those where we are nothing short of blissful that we are alive and living life to the fullest. This is the time when the bliss wears off, the adrenaline subsides, the bright ray of sunshine fades into an everlasting darkness. All good things come to and end. Everything dies and there is nothing we can do but wait to be reborn again, wait for that ray of sunshine to break through the darkness, to feel the life return to us once more. Till then we silently weep in the all consuming darkness.
Life is nothing but a curve, up and down, sometimes round and round. There are moments where we curse our very existence and then there are those where we are nothing short of blissful that we are alive and living life to the fullest. This is the time when the bliss wears off, the adrenaline subsides, the bright ray of sunshine fades into an everlasting darkness. All good things come to and end. Everything dies and there is nothing we can do but wait to be reborn again, wait for that ray of sunshine to break through the darkness, to feel the life return to us once more. Till then we silently weep in the all consuming darkness.
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